I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
