didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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