he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
