Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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