made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
