we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
