You really coming over, don't trick.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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