"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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