Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
