i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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