I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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