i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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