You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
