Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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