sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
