Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We need to rekindle our bromance
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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