There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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