I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
