I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
