It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
