is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
