i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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