I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
