i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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