if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
