Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
