so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
