I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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