he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What a dumb baby whore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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