Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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