I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
