So drunk its hurt
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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