My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
