just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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