if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
