i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sext me about skeletons
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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