i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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