Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
