his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
