dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
