Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
