Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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