two words...techno handjob
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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