I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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