I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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