i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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