just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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