All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
