So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
either way he was missing a nipple.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
