Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
