You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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