My Higher Power is John Stamos
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
