we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
