so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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