Yo dont text me then not text me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
