I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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