So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
