nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
