yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
