i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
