suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
