I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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