Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
