We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
