maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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