I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
