dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
