Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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