she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
