There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
