Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
