Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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