I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
