Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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