Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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