Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
